Why Classroom Teaching Wasn't For Me

Teaching was always the job I wanted to do since I was about 10. At first it was because I wanted to write on the whiteboard at school and I never got chosen. My solution; become a teacher then I can do it everyday! I soon got over that- they should do sessions at teacher training on how to write on a whiteboard whilst being able to simultaneously look at 30 children. But, I could always picture myself standing at the front of a classroom with my class enthralled because they carried out their activities, asking deep, meaningful questions and becoming independent learners. All while we had the right level of 'banter' in which we could have fun but they knew where the boundaries were.
Then reality set in... the endless marking, the assessments, additional admins tasks and the 'blame' when the children didn't make enough progress. I knew teaching wasn't going to be easy, but I didn't anticipate how much these extra tasks would drain the morale from my enthusiasm.
I found the low-level disruption the hardest to deal with. It felt like whack-a-mole... you settle one child and then another pops up- or 3 or 4 at the same time. I constantly felt on guard that I wasn't noticing everything- it was like I had to make a choice; focus on the teaching, or focus on the classroom management. As a result, my lessons were very rigid and boring. In observations transition times and low level disruption were commented on and I literally thought I don't know how to deal with this, I must be a crap teacher.

When I first left my full time teaching job to go travelling, a friend gave my number to someone looking for a tutor. I thought it would be a bit of extra money alongside supply teaching. It never crossed my mind I could make this into a full time job. I thought teaching meant I had to be in a classroom and it never occurred to me I could still teach but not in a classroom situation. When I think about it, I hate groups of more than 8 people at a time; it 'overstimulates' me and I feel like I'm being pulled in all directions. Why would I think I could cope with a class of 30? Some people thrive off the energy of others. Me, not so much. I love being able to focus on one child at a time without having to worry about what every other child is doing. I get to really know my 'students', can tailor a lesson specifically to one person and I finally feel flexible enough to take the lesson off-piste if I want to.
So many teacher seem to be leaving the profession, either due to pressure, lack of enjoyment or confidence. If you find you have lost your love of classroom teaching, don't give up; there are alternatives. Yes, some routes provide more stability and security for people in different circumstances in their life and I'm so thankful to still be teaching but in an environment that is much more suited to my personality.